Hi Estelle. I saw the link to your Web site on a Vice article’s comments section. Can I just say, I relate totally. When I was in graduate school I was told by a close male friend that despite my usual ease of talking to guys, I was deemed “too intimidating” to ask out. From the way I’ve read your bio on this page, it sounds like we have a lot of similarities. It almost feels like if you’re *not* a damsel in distress, you’ve somehow tested out of the potential pool of suitoresses. If you’d like to discuss further, feel free to email me. Otherwise, I’ll keep an eye on your Web site and I wish you the best in your quest! 🙂
I wish I could live in Manchester so I could hang out with you and help you out.. Not that I have much luck either to be honest. 🙂 I’ve read some of your entries and I think there are two commonalities in your dating style. 1. You seem to go for Middle Eastern looking men 2. You prefer the more direct style as opposed to being coy and subtle. None of these are bad things and I can fully relate to #2. I find it a lot easier to get the guts to talk to a guy versus smiling and biting my lip at him from across the room. BUT I think in order to break your dating ‘unsuccess’ you also need to break some of the patterns. Soo # 1 is : give different guys a chance. I know it’s hard. I know we all have a type, but if that hasn’t worked for you yet, try to be open to different types of men, not just the flashy Casanovas that undress you with their eyes. # 2 Do NOT give your number to a guy unless asked!!!!! He needs to make an effort. You can approach, strike up a conversation and give him a hint, but that’s it. Otherwise you will look desperate. Trust me on this. Especially if you want to go for Middle Eastern men who are natural hunters. So this is quite a lot of information.. Feel free to email me at Jmia1515@gmail.com if you want to talk:)) Best of luck!
Hello. Thanks for saying that you wished you could help me out. I need all the help I can get!
I agree with the idea that you shouldn’t give your number to a guy unless he asks for yours, but if he doesn’t ask you’re not going to see him again anyway so maybe you have nothing to lose by giving him yours? It’s a difficult dilemma and maybe there’s no right answer.
I completely agree with you.. but I strongly believe that a guy who wants to see you will do something. And if you are unsure, think of all the times you gave your number out and didn’t get called. Maybe there are some shy guys there, but do you really need to start the conversation AND give your number? Even though you think it’s better to at least give a number and ‘maybe’ get called, how does it usually make you feel when you wait for them to call and they don’t? Make yourself desirable. Be approachable or approach, but let them do something. This will show you if they like you or not. Even the shyest men (and even English men:)) will hint about seeing you again or try to get your number if they really want to see you. Wouldn’t you do the same thing? The main point is that you shouldn’t sell yourself short and become the ‘flyer lady’ but think like this “I made the move. I clearly showed I was interested. I hinted about seeing him again. Now HE has to make the bloody move!”
O m g! This is my life too! Well almost. I’m 33 and doing the same thing in Sweden. Going not so good. Maybe there could be like an online club or chat or get-together for advice and just sharing experiences? Anyway – love your blog! Happy fishing! 🙂
hey Estelle, just came accross your blog and can totally to it, like you i’m tall, confident, independent, fit, yet men (i live in Spain and what you say about the men here is absolutely right) never approach me. i’ve had boyfriends in the past but in the last 7 years i’ve only hooked up with men who were not compatible as well as having commitment issues.
since you seem to be making a lot of effort in flirting and creating opportunities for yourself (more so than most girls i imagine) maybe you should explore and see if the problem is not somewhere else?
i’m saying this because i’m also on that search. maybe we have an internal blockage that we’re not consciously aware of? maybe we’re the ones actually scared of commiting on an unconscious level ? maybe we don’t want to ‘betray’ one of our parent who hasnt had a successful romantic life? self-sabotage ?
And on a more practical level, i agree with Mia that being direct and forward (like i am too) can be either too scary for a guy, or not interesting as devoid of challenge, and we all love to chase a bit, dont we?
Also, as the vibration we give off affects what happens, i think it’s super important not to go out feeling desesperate, or that all men are loosers, that we dont fancy anyone etc… but actually behave like we already have lots of love in our life and send off that positive vibration. its a common thing that when in a relationship suddenly men approach you, but not when you’re single.
good luck with your quest and keep on sharing the tips!
in the meantime, let’s enjoy life fully and do all the things we can’t do so easily when in a relationship 🙂
Thank you so much for this comment. It’s very good to here about other people in my situation.
It is so true that we suddenly become more attractive to men when we have another man in our life.
I admire your positive outlook and I’m glad you found my blog.
I will date you😘
This is interesting to hear about your perspective of dating in the UK as a woman (and I thought they all had it easy!). My main trouble is that I don’t seem to meet many women that I click with enough and am attracted to enough to want to ask them out, and looking online at dating sites and sending messages out is just more of the same story multiplied many times over (tis rather depressing). Either that or I’m just replusive to women! All the best in your search : )
Just reading this made me feel so much better – so to return the favour, here is my story. I’m 29 and never had a boyfriend. Maximum time dating a guy? 3 weeks. Number of times guys have approached me (IN MY LIFE!!?): 5. Now you’re probably thinking I’m (a) a troll, (b) morbidly obese, (c) smell bad? I can realistically say I’m a 5/10, healthy weight, and have excellent personal hygiene! Guys just don’t like me? I will now read all your blog posts in search of enlightenment… (see? Don’t you feel better now??)
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